You Know I'm Down: Discreet Penis-Shaped Dress Ties
This is the $30 Dick Tie (currently a Kickstarter campaign with only $149 raised towards its modest $900 goal). It's a men's dress tie with a discreet penis shape. That way you can attend business meetings with a giant pecker tied around your neck and nobody will be the wiser. You will giggle the whole time and leave with the pride that, in some little way, you stuck it to the man. Unless your boss calls you out for wearing a shlong on your chest, then it's a free-for-all. I suggest blaming your wife or girlfriend. Yeah, the wife tried making me a tie -- she just got a new sewing machine for her birthday, she's not very good with it yet. "You drew balls on your collar." At least my collar is the same color as the rest of my shirt, you white-collared yacht humper! *flips table* I F***ING QUIT.
Keep going for an even more discreet patterned one and their Kickstarter video that I didn't watch.
Thanks to lilco, who informed me you can even tuck it into your shirt between two buttons and pretend that's a vagina. The fun never ends!