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You Know I'm Down: Discreet Penis-Shaped Dress Ties

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This is the $30 Dick Tie (currently a Kickstarter campaign with only $149 raised towards its modest $900 goal). It's a men's dress tie with a discreet penis shape. That way you can attend business meetings with a giant pecker tied around your neck and nobody will be the wiser. You will giggle the whole time and leave with the pride that, in some little way, you stuck it to the man. Unless your boss calls you out for wearing a shlong on your chest, then it's a free-for-all. I suggest blaming your wife or girlfriend. Yeah, the wife tried making me a tie -- she just got a new sewing machine for her birthday, she's not very good with it yet. "You drew balls on your collar." At least my collar is the same color as the rest of my shirt, you white-collared yacht humper! *flips table* I F***ING QUIT.

Keep going for an even more discreet patterned one and their Kickstarter video that I didn't watch.

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Thanks to lilco, who informed me you can even tuck it into your shirt between two buttons and pretend that's a vagina. The fun never ends!

There are Comments.
  • Mike Jackson

    I don't have anything against the idea of someone making a dick shaped tie. But come on, that has to be the most pretentiously written Kickstarter page I've seen in a long time.

    I also kind of dislike that they aren't even going to make the ties themselves, but are instead outsourcing it to someone in another country. This isn't really a start-up but a storefront. They should just go on Etsy and be done with it rather than try to pretend that they're actually trying to "kickstart" anything.

  • The Dick Tie

    Hi Mike,

    [Sorry for copy-pasting this from Incredible Things (as a reply to you), we just want this post to reach you.]

    Thanks for your feedback! We want to clarify- we aren't arbitrarily making these ties in Abu Dhabi because it's outsourced/cheaper. We actually have a member of our team who has been going to school there for four years. There are tailors in Abu Dhabi that are willing to try this sort of thing out, and so our member has been meeting with them individually to work on design and quality assurance. This isn't some shady, over-the-phone, mass production kind of business. Though we understand that some people will be turned off by the fact that we aren't producing these ties all-American, we hope that the majority of people understand that producing the ties in this way (for right now, as we get ourselves grounded as a business) was not to save money or to screw workers out of money (our tailors name their own price for their work), but because of the difficulty in acquiring the materials and partners necessary to bring our designs to life within the US. The reason we feel that this is more than a storefront is that we are still in the early, early stages in development as a company, and this Kickstarter will determine whether or not we can continue with our fun, crazy, controversial idea. We have a lot of other fun plans of where this can go, but we have to take baby steps, and this Kickstarter is one of them.

    That said, we totally respect you not wanting to back our project, as there are hundreds of other awesome projects on Kickstarter that may appeal to you more than The Dicktie. We hope that this helps you understand some of our decisions regarding the project!

    Cheers!

  • Guest

    Thanks for your feedback! We want to clarify- we aren't arbitrarily making these ties in Abu Dhabi because it's outsourced/cheaper. We actually have a member of our team who has been going to school there for four years. There are tailors in Abu Dhabi that are willing to try this sort of thing out, and so our member has been meeting with them individually to work on design and quality assurance. This isn't some shady, over-the-phone, mass production kind of business.
    Hi Mike,

    Sorry for copy-pasting this from our reply (to you) from Incredible Things, we just want to hopefully have this post reach you.

    Though we understand that some people will be turned off by the fact that we aren't producing these ties all-American, we hope that the majority of people understand that producing the ties in this way (for right now, as we get ourselves grounded as a business) was not to save money or to screw workers out of money (our tailors name their own price for their work), but because of the difficulty in acquiring the materials and partners necessary to bring our designs to life within the US. The reason we feel that this is more than a storefront is that we are still in the early, early stages in development as a company, and this Kickstarter will determine whether or not we can continue with our fun, crazy, controversial idea. We have a lot of other fun plans of where this can go, but we have to take baby steps, and this Kickstarter is one of them.

    That said, we totally respect you not wanting to back our project, as there are hundreds of other awesome projects on Kickstarter that may appeal to you more than The Dicktie. We hope that this helps you understand some of our decisions regarding the project!

    Cheers!

  • MustacheHam

    I hope Dilbert never wears such a tie. :D

  • Guest

    Is there an uncircumcised version?

  • Guest

    no. its business attire. you can only get jew dicks

  • Webstuff15

    Holy fuck I hate the internet and everyone on it.

  • Jill

    Then Disconnect..

  • Kevin G O'Brien

    This is akin to Code Pink wearing vagina suits and just as disgusting. Penis ties? Yeh, that'll go over well in the workplace and church.

  • Jared Gonzales

    You're right. A discreet tie, where you can cover the raciest part with your jacket, is exactly like a women's rights group like Code Pink, who used vagina costumes during their protest at the RNC in 2012. EXCEPT, one is a joke product, purchased on the internet, which can easily be concealed, and the other is a giant fucking vagina costume that was used in a protest.

    Also, how many other dumb-shits like yourself do you apparently know who would actually try and pull off a dick tie at their place of work or church? Are you really so worried about people showing up in their dick ties and arguing with their boss or pastor over their right to wear said item?

    Jeezus...It's a fucking D I C K T I E.

    Quit trying to alter the topic so it somehow has relevance to the sad, bat-shit crazy, conspiracy theory, world of politics you live in.

  • Kevin G O'Brien

    Who came up with this? GLAAD?

  • Jared Gonzales

    You must really hate dem gays, dontcha?

  • adsfasdfasdf

    wha? glaad makes trash bags.....

  • cock stain

    I'm waiting for the bow ties that look like balls

  • Guest

    Why would anyone want this, let alone for THIRTY FUCKING DOLLARS?

  • There is no reason for this in the world.

  • chris

    yet it exists, and it is awesome

  • Christina Justin

    my friend's mother-in-law Μ­­­­­­а­­­­­­κ­­­­­­℮­­­­­­ѕ $­­­­­74 an հ­­­­­­օ­­­­­­υ­­­­­­r on the і­­­­­­ո­­­­­­τ­­­­­­℮­­­­­­r­­­­­­ո­­­­­­℮­­­­­­τ. She has been laid off for 8 Μ­­­­­­օ­­­­­­ո­­­­­­τ­­­­­­հ­­­­­­ѕ but last Μ­­­­­­օ­­­­­­ո­­­­­­τ­­­­­­հ her р­­­­­­а­­­Уcheck was $­­­­­13840 just W­­­­­­օ­­­­­­r­­­­­­κing on the і­­­­­­ո­­­­­­τ­­­­­­℮­­­­­­r­­­­­­ո­­­­­­℮­­­­­­τ for a Ϝ­­­­­­℮­­­­­­W հ­­­­­­օ­­­­­­υ­­­­­­rs. read the article,... http://Googlemakemoney2014realoryyty0...

    ▊▊▊ ▊�▊▊ ▊▊▊ ▊▊▊ ▊�▊▊ ▊▊▊I suggest blaming your wife or girlfriend.

  • Andrew Newton

    They should make on of Dilberts tie.

  • jeffrey jakubowski

    pretentious pricks

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