These are the $80 - $200 silk scarfs designed by Celine Semaan Vernon of Slow Factory using open-source images taken by NASA's Hubble Space Telescope. Plus they're organic and fair-trade and all that so you don't have to feel guilty about wearing one. But you should feel guilty about getting naked and rubbing one between your legs. That's dirty. Speaking of rubbing things between your legs -- I've decided to start buying the cheapest toilet paper they sell until my ass starts ACTING RIGHT. You know, that real shiny toilet paper that looks like it was made for kids to draw on. You want the soft stuff? Stop squeaking when I'm out on a date. Here I am trying to impress a girl and now she's wondering if I'm about to shit my pants. Plus remember that night after tacos last week when you woke me up at 4AM to RUN to the shitter so I wouldn't stain all the carpet between my bed and the bathroom? You're on my naughty list. "Haha!" No laughing, penis, you're not exactly teacher's pet either.
Keep going for several other examples.
Thanks to Leanne, who agrees that, despite the fact it's supposed to be getting up to 91 tomorrow, I will see some guy wearing a think scarf because he thinks it looks cool. I will probably yell something at him.