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Fast Forward To The Apocalypse: Scientists Inject Cockroaches With DNA Nanobots

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Because why not accidentally create undying killer mutants, scientits (from now on that's what we're calling scientists doing things we don't approve of) recently injected cockroaches with DNA nanobots capable of unraveling themselves and delivering drugs. Wait -- drug delivery?! How much for a half ounce of hash? Ooh -- and if I order a pizza for pick-up can you grab it on your way?

The [nanobot] programs were simple logical operations that directed the DNA to unfold and release a molecule, for example, when it encountered a specific protein.


"This is the first time that biological therapy has been able to match how a computer processor works," Ido Bachelet from Bar Ilan University's Institute of Nanotechnology and Advanced Materials told New Scientist. Next, they said they plan to scale up the computing power that can be put inside a single cockroach -- enough to equal a Commodore 64.

Cockroaches have the advantage of not rejecting the tiny machines as foreign invaders like mammals do, although the team told New Scientist they are confident about making the bots stable enough to start human trials within five years.

First of all, I don't think cockroaches scurrying around with nanobots containing the processing power of Commodore 64's is a good idea. I mean, a Commodore 64 can run Spy Hunter AND Ghosts & Goblins. That is serious power. You throw a Sega Genesis in one of those f***ers and it's game over. We might as well pack up our bags and move to Mars, because Earth is the roach's now. You know what, screw it, I'm blasting off for Mars anyway. Who's coming with me?! "Let me see your spaceship first." It's right over there -- in the corner. "That's a cardboard box with 'USS SPACEPEEN' written on the side." Pretty sweet, right? Blastoff will be immediately after dinner (my mom's making spaghetti, otherwise we could leave right now).

Thanks to E V I L A R E S, who's so evil he's probably already developing a scheme to use injectable nanobots to take over the world.

There are Comments.
  • Shane Smith

    Shit man they are hard enough to get rid of already without u wankers making them into super roaches

  • The Magnificent Newtboy

    Deus Ex here we come!

  • Xankar

    "they are confident about making the bots stable enough to start human trials within five years." Brace yourselves, the Borg are coming

  • Joe Ferschke

    "This is the first time that biological therapy has been able to match how a computer processor works," Scientists take credit for something that has existed in nature for billions years. How surprising.

  • disqus_k2QxOV9H7Z

    In your own quote they said "it is the first time that biological therapy". They didn't say "it is the first time ever in the universe"

  • dougfunnay

    all kinds of things happen naturally..... but it is quite a feat to engineer natural occurrences and get them to behave in the way you desire.... compared to something like this i very seriously doubt anything youve done in your life has much merit..... but youre right they should get no credit of any kind because hurp de derp they didnt really create anything

  • ODwanKenObi

    I'm more worried about the HUMAN TRIALS part!?! Will these "trials" be voluntary or will it be used on unsuspecting humans to control our minds!?!

  • o0THX11380o

    They will force us all to manufacture tinfoil hats!

  • Andrew Newton

    *tips tinfoil hat*

  • Torse

    *tips tinfoil fedora*

  • Guest

    *tips tinfoil greathelm*

  • Torse

    *tips trifoil forcehelm*

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