Finally, some decent Happy Birthday and wedding themed ass-wiping paper!
This is the $250/roll gold foil embossed toilet paper produced by German manufacturer Tissue Design (previously: $1.3-million a roll 22-karat gold toilet paper -- this is the pauper's version). It's not an April Fools' joke, it's a real product. That way you can have gold embossed Happy Birthday toilet paper at your next party. And I will steal it. I don't care if everybody else is leaving skid marks in their underwear, I'm putting that shit on eBay.
Thanks to Dino, who surprisingly wrote in English instead of RAWRs.