This is the $30 Privacy Pillow, a pillow with a hidden pouch inside for hiding valuables. And what's more valuable than your penis? That was a trick question, because based on what your girlfriend said over drinks during girls' night (they let me tag along because I'm sassy), you have a very run-of-the-mill pecker. That sucks for you. Still, this does look perfect for hiding a nudie magazine for reading under the covers after she falls asleep. She's going to leave you, by the way. I heard that at girls' night too. Then you can hide your Fleshlight in there! I'm kidding, you don't have anybody to hide it from anymore, just leave it right out on the bed.
Thanks to jbootyslapper, whose name alone speaks volumes of sexiness. Like a whole anthology of poems about boning.