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Pfft, Jesus Did It Instantly: Countertop 'Miracle Machine' Turns Water Into Wine In 3 Days

water-into-wine-machine.jpg

This is the $500 Miracle Machine, a countertop winemaker that produces wine from water, grape concentrate and yeast in about three days. You just pick the style of wine you want to make, add the appropriate grape concentrates and yeast (available from the Miracle Machine online store), then check your wine's progress on your smartphone until three days later when you add the finishing packet to give it a barrel-aged flavor and you get crunk on that shit! When reached for comment, one religious fanatic believed the product should be banned because Jesus is the only one who should be able to turn water into wine. Fine, I made that up, but if you think somebody isn't going to say it, obviously you don't know religious fanatics. I do. My uncle was a West Virginia snake handler. Now? Now he just sits on the fireplace mantle all day.

Keep going for an informative video.

Thanks to Carla, who agrees the best wine is produced in boxes.

There are Comments.
  • anon2386

    If anyone bothered to watch the video or read the website they would know this is fake. They want you to donate to their cause of getting water to the less fortunate. The product isn't real.

  • Johnny Freakin Call

    Can't you stll get a cheap bottle of Boone's Farm for about $499.00 cheaper than this and three days quicker?

  • Rick_McRockock

    Great! For 500 dollars I can wait to have cheap wine in 3 days... orrr I could just go to the liquor store and buy good wine for 20 dollars, chug it in the parking lot and drive home like any normal person

  • Looks like a "Dave"

    I just go for the five liter box. They range between 12 and 15 bucks where I live.

  • I can turn wine into urine much quicker than that.

  • fdafda

    this isn't new, this shit was on the prohibition compliance label of one company's "port" style solid grape concentrate bricks. "warning it is illegal to mix the contents of this packet in 3 gallons of water with 1 and 1/3 cakes of bakers yeast stir well and heat to no more than 50 degrees and let sit for 3-20 days strain before serving. That would make wine which contains alcohol which is banned. do not under any circumstances do exactly that. further more it is extremely illegal to then distill the resulting mixture into some kind of spirit by following the warning on the reverse side of the package. now you know. You have been warned!"

  • spectre99

    another way to do this is about 2 cups of sugar,1 can of frozen grape juice and a package of yeast in an empty gallon milk jug. instead of blue tooth you can use a balloon instead of the lid, after one day it will inflate, after about three days it will deflate and the miracle is complete. at any rate you will not be able to avoid the bone shattering hangover from any three day wine, high tech or gulog-style.
    we should count our blessings, at least we still have the option to connect or not. soon it will be hardwired to all of our stuff like it or not

  • Guest

    - e1 has 2 b connected 2 machines ! Mankind will b enslaved - say good bye 2 ur souls ! (<< written by my nu OS ! what sucks a lot , thank you hobbs for that sell-out to the n.s.c.) wrote "jobbs" but see : >the moses of evil< appeared ... wonder wonder - not !
    + alcohol modifies cells , sucks all minerals , but hey makes a short life !
    (frank-lee english but weird if you lack transcendental complexity-knowledge)

  • Octo

    Why does this thing need to be connected to a phone?? This connectivity shit is going too far..what's next? Err..actually I can't think of a more useless example right now.

  • lorrrd

    C`mon! And later they tell us each single mobile was also used as an IED !!
    Yeah 100 years from now - we finally see the entire star-picture !

  • Guest

    - e1 has 2 b connected 2 machines ! Mankind will b enslaved - say good bye 2 ur souls ! (<< written by my nu OS ! what sucks a lot , thank you hobbs for that sell-out to the n.s.c.) wrote "jobbs" but see : >the moses of evil< appeared ... wonder wonder - not !
    + alcohol modifies cells , sucks all minerals , but hey makes a rewarding short life !

    (frank-lee english but weird if you lack transcendental complexity-knowledge)

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    ◛◛◛ ◛◛◛ ◛◛◛⪕ ◛◛◛ ◛◛◛� ◛◛◛ ◛◛◛My uncle was a West Virginia snake handler. Now? Now he just sits on the fireplace mantle all day.

  • Guest

    buttplug?

  • fdafda

    if you're adding ingredients like grapejuice concentrate yeast and sugar its hardly water now is it? (which made it a real stretch to shoehorn that lackluster religion jab in there) lol
    powdered water just add water.

    also grapejuiceconcentrate auto corrected to electroencephalographic which is odd.

  • OrehRatiug

    It was a fanaticism jab, not a religion jab. Very different.

  • fdafda

    whatever, it just didn't fit is the point
    ___
    (its like if half an already short article about televisions was suddenly about puppies with a puppy tie-in in the title so the punchline to an article about televisions could be a joke about chewtoys.(i suck at metaphors)
    just a bit left field even for gw.
    (just made me go "huh. wait what?"
    @gw if you're hardup for content enough you get writersblock half way into a booze article why ignore tips about http://online.wsj.com/news/art... did zuckerman get to you to suppress articles about his spy drone army? I told you not to post any incriminating pictures on the internet))

  • lorrrd

    hey its not the curly sue $ugarhill ! There are dirty old men behind (same as for monsanto & googlio . And of course they gonna buy half of the western hemisphere tech-start-ups ! Just to make sure everybody is gonna play "the game" !)

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