In news that's sure to excite the execs of pharmaceutical companies that manufacture diabetes medications, Hershey has just announced a partnership with 3D systems to produce a 3-D printer that prints in chocolate (previously: this one that already exists). Are you thinking what I'm thinking? "Chocolate penises?" Of every shape and size!
"Whether it's creating a whole new form of candy or developing a new way to produce it, we embrace new technologies such as 3-D printing as a way to keep moving our timeless confectionery treats into the future," said William Papa, head of research and development at Hershey, in a statement.
There is no word as to when the magical device might be available or how much it might cost.
How long until everybody who owns one is just printing a constant dot straight into their mouths? My guess is by the end of day one. Personal fun fact I probably shouldn't be telling you: one time a lover and I were messing around with hot fudge in the bedroom and she poured it on my banana but it was waaaaaay too f***ing hot and I wiped it off on the sheets screaming and it looked like I shit the bed until I did laundry the following week (actually two weeks).
Thanks to E V I L A R E S, who's so evil he never makes chocolates for a party without an unhealthy dose of laxatives. Nothing like watching your friends poop their pants because there's only one bathroom.