I was going to post this video last week but then I thought I would tape and upload a video of myself eating three cacti to show the world just how much manlier/stupider I am. Unfortunately, Home Depot didn't have any cacti that were spiky enough to satisfy my ass's lifelong dream of trying to pass nails. Maybe I'll eat a porcupine. This is a video of competitive eater L.A. Beast eating two prickly cacti. It's kind of painful to watch. I honestly don't know how much money you'd have to pay me to try something like this, but you can start by opening your wallet. "I've got $6." Done, tell my @$$hole I'm going to miss it.
Keep going for the video, but check out L.A. Beast's Youtube channel for a bunch more insane eating, including 150 McNuggets, 5,000 calories in five minutes, the world's hottest peppers, etc. etc. Then there's always that nutjob Shoenice, who chugs entire bottles of liquor, drinks glue, eats deodorant and tampons, and should definitely be institutionalized.
Thanks to Jasp, who ate four cacti and still had room for a broken glass dessert.