Finally, The Future We've Only Dreamed Of: A Smartphone-Connected Toothbrush
A French company has developed a toothbrush that connects to your smartphone ($100 - $200) so you can pretend like you're going to take better care of your teeth even though your commitment, at best, will last less than a week. This is not the toothbrush here, this is one I found on my walk to the bar with a friend a couple months ago. I picked it up and pretended I was brushing with it then it accidentally touched my mouth and I vomited.
VIRTUAL DENTIST: The toothbrush will be able to teach you to brush right (don't forget the insides of the teeth!) and make sure you're brushing long enough, says Thomas Serval, the French inventor.
"It's kind of like having a dentist actually watch your brushing on a day-to-day basis," Serval says.
FUN WITH HYGIENE: The toothbrush will also be able to talk to other applications on your phone, so an enterprising developer could, for instance, create a game controlled by your toothbrush. You could score points for chasing monsters among your teeth.
"We try to make it smart but also fun," Serval says.
"Don't forget the insides of the teeth?!" I don't need a smartphone toothbrush to remind me my teeth have more than one side. I'm all for practicing good oral hygiene (I've never had a cavity), but this is ridiculous. You know what the secret to healthy teeth is? Getting them all knocked out in a street fight and replaced with fake ones. Fake teeth are healthy teeth. Back me up, grandma. "Mmmbmbb mbmbbbbmmmm." Dammit, please tell me you didn't throw them away in the cafeteria again.
Thanks to Thaylor H, who has a toothbrush that connects to the bathroom mirror by a little suction up that blows this one out of the water.