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Not Surprised: Professors Find Traces Of Herpes Virus On Library Copies Of 'Fifty Shades Of Grey'


First of all, there should be no such thing as library copies of Fifty Shades Of Grey. That's like back in the day when movie rental stores had adult sections -- you should not rent p0rno movies. Chances are the dude who watched it before you had his penis in his hands just moments before taking the DVD out of the player to return it. That's all I'm going to say about that.

Two Belgian university professors recently decided to submit the 10 most borrowed books at the Antwerp library to bacteriology and toxicology tests.

Traces of cocaine were found on all 10 books. The traces were small enough that readers would not feel the effects, but significant enough that they could test positive for cocaine.

But the real case of life imitating art was revealed when the scientists discovered traces of the herpes virus in the pages of the erotic tale Fifty Shades of Grey.

That's exactly why I don't check out books from the library anymore. I remember growing up I checked out a handful of Boxcar Children books, and you know what I found between the pages? A BOOGER. Some snot-nose little shit picked their nose and deposited it between the pages. Can you believe that? I'm also pretty sure I found a doodoo smear in a Hardy Boys book, but I've been trying to convince myself it was just pasta sauce for almost 20 years now.

Thanks to mike and Thaylor H, who don't want to find anything between the pages of books besides bookmarks, money, and golden tickets that get them into Willy Wonka's factory.

There are Comments.
  • Antonetta Ur

    I'm 35 years old female and I tested positive for herpes type 2 in 2009. I did get bad outbreaks, and used to take valtrax. I hated valtrax, so i stopped it however I was having outbreaks every few months. VERY PAINFUL. Several months ago I decided to start looking for the herpes cure, because I am certain there is one somewhere in this world. I came across zeolite (and I tried it but I didn't get any results) and the hydrogen peroxide protocol (ingesting 35% food-grade h2o2 for four weeks, per the books written by people claiming their tests came back negative). I was able to ingest it only for 13 days of that because the taste of the h2o2 was horrible.

    So of course, that did not work either. As of the past 3 months, however, I've been following this herpes treatment: https://herpesiwhowto.wordpres... , and that stopped all outbreaks completely! To my greatest surprise I was cured completely by following this protocol. Don't lose hope because it will definitely work for you too.

  • nightvisiongoggles1 .

    Somewhere out there is a nerdy, deserted druglord ex-husband laughing hysterically.

  • OMG.

  • Jacques-AndrĂ© Langelier

    Write an erotic novel,
    Let women put Herpes on it,
    Force them to buy their own copy,

  • Closet Nerd

    50 Shades of Herpes Blisters

  • Stephen Al-Hakim

    I cannot think of herpes without thinking of south park.

  • chris

    And you can add these books to that list

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