Shreddies: Flatulence Odor Blocking Underwear
Not in a million years, I don't care if it's true they smell like potpourri.
Shreddies are his and hers underwear that have a layer of chemical warfare suit tested 'Zorflex' activated carbon in the rear that neutralizes the rotten smell of a fart before it offends your date. They doesn't do anything for the sound though, so be sure to lift and separate your buttcheeks for a silent delivery. Also, it wouldn't hurt to double check you're actually wearing Shreddies and not novelty Christmas boxers because those aren't going to do a f***ing things. Women's models start at $30, men's at $40, and apparently the carbon is reactivated every time you wash them. No word if they're washed with other clothes whether those will all come out smelling like ass, so I suggest only washing them with your roommate's bath towels until we know for certain.
Thanks to Peterman, who doesn't believe in wearing underwear. Yeah, me neither! "You sure you're not just saying that because you ran out clean boxers?" Now that's none of your business.