This is the Cuddle Mattress, a foam mattress that's been sliced into horizontal strips so you can put your arm underneath a lover without them cutting off your blood flow and preventing you from being able to tweak their nips in the middle of the night. Admittedly, a good idea, but the problem is this: it won't work with a fitted sheet. And don't tell me you're supposed to sleep directly on the foam because that's disgusting. And do you know how much nastiness is going to collect in those cracks? Pet dander, sex toys, crumbs from the one time your special someone made you breakfast in bed a year ago -- you name it. It's like your bed is now made out of thirty little couch cushions. That said, I still want one. But it better come with an unconditional money-back guarantee that covers everything including peeing in your sleep and being too embarrassed to sleep on it anymore.
Hit the jump for a couple more shots of why you should just always call little spoon.
Thanks to lydia, who once felt a pea through 20 mattresses and 20 featherbeds and revealed herself as a true princess.