Nobody's Blowing Up This Wiener: Blast-Proof Boxers
These are ~$85 Blast Boxers. They help prevent injury to your privates in the event of an explosion, thanks to a patch of Kevlar sewn into the penis, balls and butthole region. They were originally designed for military use, but anybody with $85 can buy a pair. And as a guy who really cares about his privates, I want some (but just one -- I'll wear them everyday then wash them on Saturdays when I go commando around the apartment). Unfortunately, $85 is a little out of my boxers budget, so I had to go with plan B -- squishing my penis and balls into an empty soup can and wearing a pair of tighty whities over them.
Thanks to E V I L A R E S, who's so evil he sells 'blast proof' boxers with even less protection than regular boxers.