1-In-50-Million Bi-Colored Blue And Red Lobster
This is an estimated 1-in-50-million-specimen bi-colored blue and red lobster caught in Newfoundland (previously, a 1-in-30-million spotted calico lobster). That's pretty rare. Even rarer than my roommate being able to sleep through a whole night without waking himself up farting and then trying to cry to me about it.
*knock on bedroom door*
Me: That better be a f***ing burglar.
Derek: I did it again.
Me: NOT MY PROBLEM, GO BACK TO BED.
Derek: What's the matter with me?
Me: You're f***ing disgusting, that's what, NOW GO BACK TO BED.
Derek: Will you make me some tea?
Me: Dude -- one more word and I swear I won't hold back the next time your mom makes a pass at me.
Derek: Please don't.
Me: Remember last week when you drank the last of my chocolate milk? You remember how upset I was?
Me: And then I told you I was going out on a special date that night?
Derek: What about it?
Me: I boned your dad, Derek, NOW GO BACK TO BED.
Thanks to Lydia, who only wants to know what it tastes like.