This is the $26 'Splash Red Chopping Board'. It looks like a cartoon pool of blood. Or maybe a paint spill. I don't know, what do you see? Dripping tomatoes? "THE BLOOD OF MY ENEMIES RUNNING OVER THE CHOPPING BLOCK." Okay this was actually a Rorschach test and you failed, hard. Now if you'll excuse me I have an important call to make. *whispering* Hello, nut house? Yes I've got a crazy person here, if you could come and bring one of those straitjackets that would be great. Say, why are they called straitjackets anyways? Actually, just explain when you get here, I'll keep them distracted. *hangs up* Sorry about that -- now, where were we? "What were you just doing?" Ordering pizza, I got you some garlic knots. Whoa -- pizza's not here yet, put the knife down.
Hit the jump for a bonus splash spoon rest.
Thanks to lilco, who agrees the key to cutting ingredients just right is getting a professional to do it for you.