Star Bucks: Canada Gets A New Space-Themed $5 Bill

May 1, 2013


In financial news, Canada has just unveiled a new $5 bill that has an astronaut and what appears to be a space-based death ray on the front. The whole thing looks pretty fake to me. If I was working retail and somebody handed me that I would probably bang my head on the register and ask myself what the f*** am I doing back in retail, I swore to myself ten years was enough. Please just be a dream, please just be a dream, please just be a dream.

The new polymer $5 bill shows the Canadarm2 and Dextre manipulator robots, along with an ambiguous astronaut meant to symbolize all Canadians who have contributed to its space program.

Of course, as we geek-out over how cool this new bill is, a Canadian focus group complained that it's cartoonish and out-of-step with modern Canada. Most did not recognize Dextre.

Wait -- Canada conducts focus groups to see how the public will respond to how new money looks? That's crazy. Then they ignore all the feedback? That's more like it. Sorry folks, the new bills are all going to be penis shaped and have a sort of furry texture like a peach, but hey -- if you don't want to buy milk and bread with them, that's up to you.

Thanks to lilco, who allegedly ordered one of those custom designed credit cards and got a butt printed on it. Let me see that! Wow, that's uh, that's definitely a dude's -- WAIT IS THIS MY ASS?

  • Spounz

    It will be harder to Spock our 5. :\

  • MikeL

    Nope, this is Italian, not Canadian... It's obvious when you read the writing across it... It's a picture of Italian Specimen floating ina spece. Some Canadian must have photoshopped Canada onto it because it's cool

  • Georgia

    WTF are you talking about? It's the freakin' Canadarm (well, Canadarm2) and Dextre, the maintenance robot--both built by CANADA for the International Space Station. I'm just going to go ahead and assume you're a troll and not really stupid enough to think that the new Canadian money is a photoshopped version of the Italian space program.

  • Yeah, you totally missed the really crappy specimen/spaceman joke they were making.

  • mz001

    Not just the image. The weird-shaped white part is translucent as well.

  • Brant_Alan

    All money should be coins and be carried in coin pouches on your belt.
    That is all.

  • Guest

    THat death ray thingy reminds me of GLaDOS.

  • etxzombie

    That death ray thingy reminds me of GLaDOS.

  • Turbosloth

    It's the Canadarm. Yes, we're so insecure, we named our one and only contribution to space technology after our own country. Go Canada.....

  • dunch

    This is way fucking cool. It's a shame if they melt or whatever the other commenter said, but still. I'm glad there are still modern governments that give a shit about space, because our government in the USA sure as shit doesn't care about inspiring the future of space research.

  • MistahTibbs

    They seem more intent on making Muslims feel good about themselves...not sure what that has to do with space and exploration.

  • "...because our government in the USA sure as shit doesn't care about
    inspiring the future of space research."

    Or maybe that's just what they want you to think, so you'll feel the need to inspire the future of space research, yourself.

  • dunch

    Not sure what you mean by that, but NASA does not get nearly as much funding as it should. Bureaucracy is constantly getting in the way. It almost seems like the USA is too near-sighted to think about space, and the government often considers space exploration and technology as a waste of funding. Space is our future, private or public. Neil Degrasse Tyson says it waaaaaaay more eloquently than I could ever hope to:

  • Brant_Alan

    This is true, Space is the future. But it's more of a distant future, our tech isn't that advanced enough that we can fully take advantage of it yet. I think it's coming, i just don't think it's now.

  • SadieV

    It sucks. They feel all plasticy, they stick together, so sometimes you're giving someone $40 or $60 bucks instead of a $20, AND if you're forgetful, and have them in your pockets when you put your clothes in the wash, they fricken melt. And banks won't take them after that. Dumbest idea ever.

  • Keegano

    Actually, the bank will most definately take it after you have melted it. The possibility of melting it is the worst complaint ever. Next thing is you're going to whine that you can't rip it up or fold it into origami. And in regards to not knowing how to count your money... user error, learn. I have not given away one extra bill or even come close to it. Best money ever!!

  • etxzombie

    Somehow this design impllies that you, as a canadian, should be smarter than that. Our US paper money says "In God We Trust" and literally, we are a country of idiots. That's why we make our money out of a weird combination of paper and cotton thread. Because somewhere along the line, somebody said, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure people are going to want to throw this in the washing machine."

  • Deksam

    Well the space theme does look alright. But yes, they survive the wash ok, but melt in the dryer [lost 20 that way] and they are too thin and do stick together.[ lost 100 bucks that way] Thanks Canada. The money of the 70s kicked butt, they were made better and felt like a real money and the mounted police on the back of the 50 was my favorite, hands down.

  • Except that paper money will still get effed in the wash because the ink bleeds (The last generation of bills didn't do that because they weren't paper). The money of the 70s would be incredibly expensive to have now, since you'd have had to pull 1s and 2s out of circulation after 90 days from getting too grungy, and the 20s and 50s would wear out quickly.

    I'll take the polymer bills. Not the greatest, but much harder to counterfeit, and with cooler designs.

  • Deksam

    Better then the bird themes for sure.

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