Another Day, Another Anti-Bruising Banana Holder
This is the Banana Bunker, a banana transportation device that prevents smashing and bruising. It's not to be confused with a banana hammock, which is what bananas relax in on the beach, or a banana bungalow, which is where bananas go when they want to get out of the sun but is really just a thinly veiled euphemism for a lover's butt that I just came up with this second. Now I know what you're thinking, "But GW -- it looks like a dildo." Congratulations, you have eyeballs, and they work. $7 gets you one in your choice of five see-thru colors and is sure to go missing if you live in house full of girls. Mine disappeared from the kitchen a couple nights ago and I just now managed to track it down to my sister's nightstand except nope this one has a cord oh God I touched it that's totally a vibrator why the hell didn't I check the dishwasher first, so this is what a life of regret feels like.
Thanks to Robby, who knows a quality banana protector when he sees one but wasn't sure what the hell he was looking at when he saw these.