Samoa, a country best known for being tied with Thin Mints for the best Girl Scout Cookie flavor, now has an airline that charges passengers based on the total weight of their asses and luggage. Each traveler will be weighed alongside their bags at the airport, and the total flight cost calculated. Cue a heavy-breathing uproar.
The new policy is motivated by the fact that Samoa Air's fleet is largely made up of small 12-seater aircraft, which see passengers and baggage accounting for a much larger proportion of total takeoff weight than bigger airplaines. That, and the fact that Samoa has a serious obesity problem.
Prices will vary between $50 to $200 per 100lbs, depending on the length of the journey, but Samoa Air claims that a normal-weight family will actually see a reduction in their fare.
Hey -- you overweight and trying to save on the coast of your next flight? Here's what you do: tape your pant cuffs and waistband to yourself, then fill your pants and underwear with helium like a party balloon. That way when you step on the scale at the airport you'll weigh the exact same as you did before, and realize maybe it's time to holler at some diet and exercise.
Thanks to Clay, who probably isn't the same Clay as I went to first grade with, so I'm going to refrain from threatening to kill him for throwing that dirt clump at me all those years ago.