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TO THE BUFFET: Weight-Loss Device Pumps 30% Of Your Stomach's Contents Out 20 Minutes After Every Meal

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For people who struggle with overeating, Segway inventor Dean Kamen and a group of doctors have developed a pump that can evacuate 30% of the food in a person's stomach 20-minutes after they eat a meal so they don't digest all those extra calories. It sounds kind of gross, but so does getting stuck in your couch. And for the record, I'm not here to judge overeaters. We all have our demons, and if yours happens to be seconds, well, that's between you and your gut. But please, no tight-fitting clothing.

Basically, it's a feeding tube in reverse. Instead of pumping life-sustaining nutrients into the stomachs of people unable to eat, the AspireAssist Aspiration Therapy System pumps food out of people who have no problem eating. Patients have a tube inserted into their stomachs then threaded out through an incision in the abdomen and capped with a poker chip-sized "Skin Port" valve. (For more detail, if you so dare, watch the video below.) Twenty minutes after eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner, the patient attaches a handheld device to the Skin Port and empties 30 percent of the contents of his or her stomach into the toilet.


Twenty minutes is enough time for your brain to be convinced that you are full, but not enough time for your stomach to digest the food, the inventors say, and that means 30 percent of the calories from your meal magically disappear.

Well, technically those calories don't just "magically disappear". You have to watch them pumped out as a slurry into the toilet through a hole in your belly. And that, my friends, is no magic act I'd pay to watch (sawing a woman in half is still a go).

Hit the jump for a video demo of the technology in action.

Thanks to Phillybart, who's busy pumping cheesesteaks out of himself even as we speak.

There are Comments.
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  • Renee

    Sweet! There's now a medical procedure for bulimia? For those that just don't have what it takes to vomit after each meal, i guess.

  • porkleaker

    Anyone who uses this should also be sterilized.

  • Technologically enhanced bulimia, basically.

  • Sarah Hallgren

    That's like, bulimia by use of a machine. If people want to b gluttons, they should save themselves a buck and stick their fingers down their throat instead. Same thing. Also has the same negative health effects by depleting the body's electrolytes and vitamins. Way to go inventor of this machine.

  • zF23

    Upon hearing this news, bulimics everywhere rejoice

  • Spleenal

    Jesus! Or put less into your mouth in the first place? Imagine trying to explain this to someone in a famine hit area? Our problems are becoming embarrassing. Should the food out tube be fed into the stomach of one of these guys who are trapped in a video game and can't feed themselves?

  • Idlethoughts

    This is basically the technological equivalent to puking in order to not gain weight, which really is not a solution, I think the best you can do is try counseling.

  • Why don't you fat fucks just limit your food intake? Jesus fucking christ america! If fat people are depressed, see a fucking therapist. Not a Mcds drive through attendant.

  • Idlethoughts

    Would you say the same to an alcoholic?

  • BillGatesIsYourDaddy

    yes....but McD's doesn't serve alcohol.

  • puny parrot

    can i fill that bag with gatorade?

  • This IMHO would really fuck with the PH levels in the stomach and could maybe lead to ulcers and other shit, This will not get approved for human use in Canada.

  • Jaalto

    Let's call this "The Creosote Pump".

  • Alex D

    Adipose?!

  • $18922249

    Well, these first world problems are really getting out of hand.

  • Super. Lets gorge ourselves out of our wits and just evacuate our stomachs so we don't face the consequence of shit eating. People who over-eat shouldn't rely on drastic measures to prevent weight gain, they should be properly educated and counselled, and work their lazy asses off. Because thats what it comes down to. "I eat too much, but am too fat, or can't be bothered to work out."

  • Guest

    It would be much more ethical and sane to consider hiring aids to help control people addicted to foods and need a change of life style. If all fails, consider sealing that cake hole.

  • T_Eye

    Geez, you never want to agree with jihadists, but how can you blame them for calling the west wasteful, decadent, and without morals.

    This is just another example of treating the symptoms rather than the cause (band-aid solutions). Hey, if you're over eating.... eat less for fuck sakes.

  • Evangelos

    Its name is the "AspireAssist Aspiration Therapy System" (A.A.A.T.S.), huh? I think it would be more appropriate to name it the "Fabulous Aspiring Therapy Assisting Statuesque Silhouettes" (F.A.T.A.S.S.)

    Seriously though, it's called freaking self control. This is like doctor approved and technology assisted bulimia. Unless you have a medical condition requiring such a function, learn to not shovel food into your gob until you pop. This is horrible. Anyone who uses one of these for vanity purposes should think about the food they are wasting just so they can enable a wretched habit and total lack of accountability for the absence of self control.

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