Paleontologists have discovered a new dinosaur (the one in the rear having a snack) and named it Sauroniops pachytholus, after Sauron from Lord of the Rings. Why? Because they are NERDS. Personally, I would have named it after one of the characters in Jurassic Park, but that's just me and the things I say actually make sense. "You said earlier you thought we were voting for moon commander today." ARE WE NOT?
It's full name is Sauroniops pachytholus, a massive bipedal carcharodontosaur that lived during the Cretaceous period. The paleontologists, Andrea Cau, Fabio Dalla Vecchia, and Matteo Fabbri, felt that the single fragment provided enough evidence to warrant the classification of an entirely new species, and their work describing the new dinosaur has since been published in Acta Palaeontologica Polonica.
Get out there and vote, folks. And, as flattered as it makes me, don't write me in for president like I know you want to. Make your vote count. Afterwards, demand a "Kiss me, I voted" sticker. Then when they tell you they don't have any like that, I want you to flip a folding table and streak the line of people waiting to vote TO SEND THEM A MESSAGE. "And what message would that be?" There's at least one crazy person living in their voting district.
Thanks to Arkim Pines, who agrees the coolest names are numbers. No -- symbols. That's why I want you to all call me 'P' from now on. "That's a letter." You sure? I thought it was a little flag.