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North Korea Confirms Discovery Of Ancient Unicorn Lair

korean-unicorns.jpg

Korean unicorns are different from the unicorns you probably think of. These are Korean unicorns in the picture. As you can see, they're much more colorful and their corns are way more penis-y than their western counterparts. I like that about them. And now North Korea's state-run news agency has announced the discovery of the ancient unicorn lair where King Tongmyong's (the founder of Goguryeo, the northernmost of the the Three Kingdoms of Korea) unicorn mount used to reside. And you know what? I believe them. I'm joking, I just said that because I don't want them to nuke me. "What nukes?" LOLOL.

In what appears to be a suggestion of superiority over nearby enemies South Korea, the report says: 'The discovery of the unicorn lair, associated with legend about King Tongmyong, proves that Pyongyang was a capital city of Ancient Korea as well as Koguryo Kingdom.'


It goes on to say: 'A rectangular rock carved with words "Unicorn Lair" stands in front of the lair.

'The carved words are believed to date back to the period of Koryo Kingdom (918-1392).

'The temple served as a relief palace for King Tongmyong, in which there is the lair of his unicorn.'

STOP THE PRESSES. I almost believed it up until the 'Unicorn Lair' sign. There's no way there was a sign that read 'Unicorn Lair'. Even the dumbest stable boy wouldn't be stupid enough to ADVERTISE WHERE YOU KEEP THE UNICORNS. That would be like hanging 'TREASURE ROOM THIS WAY --->' signs all over your castle.

Thanks to beebs, Tony and Emily, who agree poorly Photoshopped pictures or it didn't happen.

There are Comments.
  • Doesn't Apple have a patent on all things Korean, before the Koreans do? It's a law or something.

  • Sarah Hallgren

    who the hell translated that korean... that's called a girin or kirin. not a "unicorn". they have the same mythological creature in japan too and that's where u get kirin beer from

  • adsgfasdf

    korea has a unicorn if those mustachioed snakes are good enough to call dragon

  • adsgfasdf

    Sure it may be a horse of a different color with its body of a deer head of a dragon mane of a lion tail of an ox scales of a koi hooves of a horse with a single backwards curving horn on its head.

    But just like the unicorn it is a good omen, just like the unicorn it is a semi divine inherently good and peaceful creature, like the unicorn it appears only to those who are worthy, like the unicorn it will harm only the wicked and viciously defend if it sees the good and pure being harmed by the evil or wicked. it can run across water and walk in a field without trampling a single blade of grass or stepping on so much as a bug.

    (besides in japan its a derpy giraffe and in china it has the body of a lion or ox something so korea has a unicorn if those mustachioed snakes are good enough to call dragon)
    (although I think in korea they're supposed to have a pair of antlers and be able to be wreathed in flames or something....but still. if flying seaserpent= dragon then qilin=unicorn)

  • JimmyThr

    How is having the ugliest fucking unicorns in the world, getting them superiority over anyone?

  • adsgfasdf

    at least they don't have the bonnacon shit cow so they're at least better than the stepps of central asia.

  • Marc Nadeau

    As expected, North Korea has always been the best Korea.

  • adsgfasdf

    NK is the magical island

  • Girgear

    A fitting mount for The Onion's sexiest man alive, Kim Jung-Un.

  • lordpikachu

    course, that's where the rainicorns live

  • adsgfasdf

    and eat people?

  • Guest

    and adore pugs. :3

  • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

    I'm now trying to picture the unicorns marching in NK's military parades.

  • Guest

    "As you can see, they're much more colorful and their corns are way more
    penis-y than their western counterparts. I like that about them" lmao

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