Because he realizes just how badly he's sinned and is trying to make up for it in his old age so he can go to heaven instead of the depths of hell like I imagine him screaming from in my dreams, George Lucas has announced that he's giving away the majority of the $4-billion from the sale of LucasFilm. It will be the first decent thing he's done in almost 25 years.
By the end of the year, the $4.05 billion sale of Lucasfilm to Disney should be finalized. And since George Lucas owns 100 percent of his company - which has little to no debt - all that money goes to him.
After that, Lucas plans to quickly put the bulk of the money into a foundation which will primarily focus on educational issues, a spokesperson for Lucasfilm tells THR.
"For 41 years, the majority of my time and money has been put into the company," Lucas said in a statement Wednesday. "As I start a new chapter in my life, it is gratifying that I have the opportunity to devote more time and resources to philanthropy."
Aha! So George is putting all those cease-and-desist copyright violations to good use after all. And all along I thought he was just a greedy old bag! Maybe there's still some good in him after all. You know, like Darth Vader at the end of his life. Star Wars -- autobiographical? DUM DUM DUM!
Thanks to everyone who sent this. I'd name you all, but you really need to send a little more obscure tips next time.