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ER Report Details The Top 7 Causes Of Crotch Injuries

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A recent study of emergency room visits published in the Journal of Urology details the top causes of injured dingalings. The results might shock you! Ooooor sneak up from behind and kick you in the bals. Personally, I always injure myself trying to jump over things too high for me to jump over.

Since 2002, the number of incidences has remained more or less steady at about 16,000 per year. Here are the biggest things to watch out for, based on number of adults who report to U.S. emergency rooms with these injuries each year:


Bicycles (1,212)
Razors, scissors and clippers (1,089)
Zippers (951)
Bathroom falls and mishaps (818)
Basketball (309)
Baseball and softball (240)
Skiing and snowboarding (182)

Surprisingly absent from the list were overly acrobatic sex maneuvers, accidentally slipping out during intercourse and cracking your wiener in half, and really bad BJ's. Of course if any of those happened to me I'd probably say I got hit with a basketball too.

Hit the jump for a video of the idiot in the picture above, but just search Youtube for "crotch/pants on fire" for more private-burning sadness than you could shake a flaming pitchfork at.

Thanks to my longtime buddy Y-tree, who I once had to whip with one of those sticks you use to twist the blinds closed because he peed in an empty beer can in my bedroom until it was overflowing onto the carpet. That reminds me -- you should really have me over sometime.

There are Comments.
  • Patrick Caldwell

    They obviously didn't do the study in my Masturbatory.

  • luxlucetintenebris

    Think the last time I had a zipper 'accident' I'd only just started wearing pants!

  • Matthew Little

    I haven't had one since I was a kid. But I can still distinctly remember the feeling. Terrible.

  • funwithanerd.com

    Is this a candidate for Darwin Awards?

  • I bet half of instances within this decade are up on YouTube.

  • Ryan Graham

    liar liar pants are on OMG IT WONT GO OUT!

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