My God it even LOOKS like something that would pee out of its mouth.
This is a Chinese softshell turtle. It pees out of it's mouth. That's nasty. It's being studying extensively by a Singaporean researcher named Shit Fun Chew, which the article I read made a big deal about as an example of nominative-determinism (your name dictates what you do in life), even though the turtle only PEES out of its mouth. Come on guys, maybe if it went number two that would actually make sense. Her name's not Urine Fun Gargle.
Thanks to my buddy Kevin, who tried to draw a similarity between talking to me and listening to something pee out of its mouth. Dammit Kevin I thought we were bros.