The Illustrated T-Rex Guide To Eating A Triceratops

October 25, 2012

Illustrations by Nate Carroll

As any t-rex could tell you, the best triceratops meat is in the neck beneath the frill. And now paleontologists believe they've discovered just how the beasts tore the heads off their prey to get at it. The steps they took (as illustrated above) are as follows: "1) get a good grip on the neck frill 2) tear the head off to expose the tasty neck muscles 3) nibble on the soft flesh of its face and 4) feast on the delicacies beneath the frill." Mmmmm, under-frill delicacies. That sounds like a euphemism for PRIVATES.

"The frill would have been mostly bone and keratin," says Fowler. "Not much to eat there." The pulling action and the presence of deep parallel grooves led the team to realise that these marks were probably not indicative of actual eating, but repositioning of the prey. The scientists suggest that the frills were in the way of Tyrannosaurus as it was trying to get at the nutrient-rich neck muscles.

"It's gruesome, but the easiest way to do this was to pull the head off," explains Fowler with a grin. The researchers found further evidence to support this idea when they examined the Triceratops occipital condyles -- the ball-socket head-neck joint -- and found tooth marks there too. Such marks could only have been made if the animal had been decapitated.

It also shows that Tyrannosaurus also had a daintier side. Fowler and his team found precise, even delicate, bites along the front of several Triceratops skulls, and suggest that these are nibbles on the tender meat found on the face.

Well now we know. It's useful information too because now I won't look like an imposter after traveling back in time in a giant t-rex costume and eating a triceratops all wrong. I probably would have gone after the butt first and blown my cover. No t-rex wants to have sex with some bottom-feeder! God, I can't tell you how thankful I am I read this.

Thanks to Inky Bloc, who agrees you should never try to eat a potential lover. Ear nibbling and hickies still okay.

  • Guest

    I can bet a zombified t-rex would do the same to gain access to the brain.

  • Kinda looks idiotic, excellent !

  • Patrick Caldwell

    I always start from the back end, and work my way toward the head.... Thanks for the update.

  • $18922249

    I mean... That's how I do it.

  • Redeemer

    All I want to know is if this means the Triceratops was a real dinosaur.

  • Guest

    nope, it devolved into a crayfish. It can be eaten with the same methods here. XD

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