Long-Distance Smartphone-Enabled Pleasuring Devices

September 26, 2012


These are LovePalz (yes, with a Z), a pair of smartphone-enabled virtual sex devices to use with that special someone. Here's how it works: the guy sticks his wing-ding in the tube (right) and it sends signals to the in-and-out action dildo (left) that the lady has pressed against her zing-zang, replicating the same speed that dude is using the tube to masturbate with. Which, more than likely, will be supersonic. How romantic.

The speed sensor in Zeus will detect the speed of male action and send to the Hera, the female toy. Hera will reflect and match Zeus's speed automatically. Hera on her part, will sense the pressure inside the toy based on the female's reaction and then send that information to Zeus. Zeus's air pump will configure its tightness automatically based on the received signal.

You can preorder a pair of the toys now for $95, or $50 apiece in case you want to go Dutch with your lover. Wow, going Dutch on a pair of sex toys -- I don't know if I've ever written a sadder sentence. Now, are you thinking what I'm thinking? "This is how robot babies are made?" That's probably true, but no. I was gonna say if you stick the female piece up your keister and then go to town on the tube, it would be like banging yourself. "I'd do me." ...Congratulations?

Hit the jump for a video explanation.

Thanks to PYY, who agrees there should be no distance great enough to keep two lovers' privates away from each other. It just isn't right!

  • larry longmore

    could you plug the Zeus part in to the Hera part & create perpetual motion?

  • larry longmore

    I think my gay friends are going to want some modified pairs of these things

  • Is this cool or wrong? Post and rate at http://flowsee.com/php/star...

  • Hayley Prychun Rodgers

    Okay, Hera and Zeus might be married, but if you are going for names to make your product sound remotely "together" don't use the god of philandering and his crazy jealous wife.

  • ZomBBombeR

    Very ingenuitive, but I'm still not convinced this is a good idea.

  • Germán Piccioni

    They should make standalone versions for a cybersex chatroulette. BANG.

  • Marina

    ...it's a badly shaped dildo. It doesn't change to match the size and shape of the guy's penis.. My boyfriend's dick is not shaped like that lol sorry but this has a lot of room for improvement when it comes to the female's side.

  • ZomBBombeR

    They make different sized sleeves to fit over smooth didoes, just consider it an after market accessory.

  • Rascal

    I don't think the dick is big enough!

  • ZomBBombeR

    maybe not but if regular dicks fucked as fast as most guys fap they'd have to open a vaginal trauma ward at every hospital.

  • Joe

    I find it hilarious that this situation is so awkward, that the people who are, as I like to say "Phone Boning", have muted their phones in the above picture. Probably because neither person wants to hear FAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAP

  • JimmyThr

    Finally, one step closer to Demolition man's plot becoming a reality

  • lol

    think they got the names backwards. so when you butsecks zeus his wife'll finger your girl?

    i guess it is very ancient greek of them after all so maybe?

  • GreyGanado

    Why does their website look exactly like Kickstarter?

  • jimmy

    actually these could be used while in the same room as your partner to provide 100% pregnancy and disease free sexy times...

  • JT Caban

    White guy and hot Asian girlfriend....yep. This is real.

  • aadu

    Will it have a "fake it" option? :D

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    What about homosexual couples? What about those who practice polygamy or swinging? These are now real concerns.

  • Guest

    Seems like they need to add a "Party" feature. You can hook up as many Zues's and Hera's as you'd like and go to town. As a Bisexual male, I'd totally order the set just for myself and do exactly what GW thought.

    One concern I can see is, does it simulate oral sex too?

  • ZomBBombeR

    See regardless of intent I take it as satire when GW says it, now I can't help picturing a faceless male going to town on himself with this thing, thanx alot.

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