Picture unrelated: he actually bought that beer.
Because even bears know how to party harder than most of my friends (thanks for the birthday party, jerks!), a family of black bears recently TORE THE WALL OFF A CABIN to gain access, chugged over 100 beers and ate all the food inside, then shat and pissed everywhere. No word if they thought that was the cabin where Goldilocks lived, but bears are notoriously poor with addresses.
"They had a hell of a party in there," cabin owner Even Borthen Nilsen told NRK. "The cabin has the stench of a right old piss up, trash, and bears."
The bear, and three cubs, are reported to have forced their way into the cabin by ripping a wall off.
"The entire cabin was destroyed," Nilsen told the local Finnmarken.no daily.
"The beds and all kitchen appliances, stove, oven and cupboards and shelves were all smashed to pieces," he said.
And furthermore the bears had finished off all the food and drink in the house - including all the marshmallows, chocolate spread, honey and over 100 cans of beer.
Nilsen explained that excrement on the outside of the cabin left him in no doubt that it was a family of bears which had taken over his cabin for night of feasting and drunken revelry.
"You can see footprints on the windows," he said.
Did you read that? Footprints on the windows. My God that must've been one hell of a party. Bears getting so drunk they can f***ing walk on walls? I'm *this close* to moving into the woods and starting a new life.
Thanks to LupusYonderboy, who's actually partied with bears before and says they're pretty cool as long you don't go for a high-five and they accidentally miss and maul your face off.