Move Over, Oral-B!: Chewable Spiky Toothbrush Thingie
This is Rolly. Rolly is clearly a misnomer though because these things would definitely NOT roll. Gumballs yes, and you can bet your ass I'd still eat them off the floor. Rolly is a chewable rubber toothcleaner with little spikes designed to gently scrub your teeth. It's advertised as a more discreet way to clean your teeth because people watching while you brush is a big problem. Dammit, STOP STARING -- you know I can't brush without getting foamy-mouth! Rolly also contains Xylitol and Fluoride so the government can still exercise its mind control over you even though you're not getting Flouride from the water supply. Plus it looks like if you swallowed one you'd grow an alien baby inside your tummy.
Thanks to Marish, who allegedly knows a guy with teeth so bad he has to brush with a rake.