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I'd Crap The Hell Out Of That: NASA's New Spacesuit

new-spacesuit.jpg

Who wears shorts over pants?

This is a shot of NASA's next generation spacesuit, the Z-1. No word if it has a zipper fly for an alien quickie in the spacebar bathroom, but an astronaut can dream, can't he? "You're not an astronaut." ONLY BECAUSE OF NASA'S STUPID WEIGHT RESTRICTIONS. The highlights:

1. PORT


Astronauts step into the full suit through the back port. This port will mate with the spacecraft, enabling an astronaut to enter the suit from inside the craft for extravehicular activity. Another advantage: When used in low to no atmosphere, the port conserves more air than a conventional air lock.

2. MOBILITY

The Z-1 has bearings at the waist, hips, upper legs, and ankles to allow an astronaut greater mobility--essential for retrieving soil and rock samples in tough terrain.

3. MATERIAL

This provisional outer covering conceals a heavily engineered inner suit; a layer of urethane-coated nylon retains air, and a polyester layer allows the suit to hold its shape.

First of all, there's not gonna be any "stepping into the full suit through the back port." That hole doesn't look nearly big enough. One time at the circus I saw a contortionist fit into a two-foot square box, and I couldn't stop thinking about how easy it would be to sneak him on a plane in a suitcase and not have to pay for a seat. Also, what's the word on the ventilation system in these things? Because space food makes me gassy, and if I have to smell it, I'll probably puke. Not exactly the situation you want to be in when you're making first contact. HELLO, I AM FROM EARTH. WE COME IN -- oh no *squeak, BLAAAAH!* Did you hear that, NASA? I talked to aliens! "Yep, they're nuking the planet even as we speak." Woopsie doopsie.

Thanks to Nadine, who puts on her spacesuit the way all astronauts do: both legs at the same time.


There are Comments.
  • Garet Jax

    "First of all, there's not gonna be any "stepping into the full suit
    through the back port." That hole doesn't look nearly big enough"

    Yeah....I'm sure they didn't test it at all. Thank God NASA has someone like you to point out their mistakes. LMFAO you 'tard!

  • That's a terrible design! Does NASA never watch sci-fi shows? They may be fictional but the suits they have are a lot better designed!

  • Job Genders

    Looks like a Buzz Lightyear costume to me, but a bit more expensive ;-) Why did nobody picked up on this way earlyer ???

  • $18922249

    As an added bonus, it comes pre-packaged in front of a green screen.

  • Davo555

    Space shorts FTW!

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