I Demand You Return Its Planetary Status, DO IT NOW: Astronomers Discover Fifth Moon Orbiting Pluto
Astronomers recently announced that they've identified a fifth moon orbiting Pluto, a discovery that solidifies in my mind that the dwarf planet is in fact a REGULAR planet, despite my having zero concept of the credentials required for full planetary status. You want to know what I do know though? That's it's f***ed up when you call a thing something for so long, then go and change it on them. Isn't that right, Ruffles? I SAID ISN'T THAT RIGHT, RUFFLES? See? Ruffles is my dog Chloe's new name. She's 12 but I just changed it a week ago. I'M JOKING I WOULD NEVER DO THAT, I only used this as an example to prove a point. You hurt that planet's feelings, @$$holes. Now it's out there confused and cocking it's head trying to understand what it did wrong.
Thanks to David L, who's been running an online petition to restore Pluto's planetary status even though everybody knows online petitions don't do ANYTHING except get conceptual LEGO sets considered for manufacture.