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God, Then Just Go Date A Stupid Robot: 15% Of iPhone Users Would Rather Give Up Sex Than Phone

June 21, 2012 / fanboys, i lose my phone for days on end and you know what i do? exactly -- have tons of sex until i find it, i need to get a f***ing droid is what i need to do, i want whatever phone it is whose users f*** like rabbits, iphone, phone, priorities, sadness, say it ain't say, sex, this is why you're single, you're breaking my heart!, you've got to be kidding me

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According to a recent survey conducted by electronics trade-in site Gazelle of 1,000 people who have owned at least one iPhone, a solid 15% of users admitted to be willing to part with sex before their phone, even for as short as a weekend. That...gives me the sads. Another 4% admitted to using the phone during sex, which I don't have a problem with considering it IS a camera. Now if they were calling their buddies, that's different. Calling for food delivery, acceptable.

It found that 65 percent said the iPhone was the device or platform they would not be able to live without, compared with just 1 percent opting for Facebook.


More than 25 percent said they '"almost always" use their iPhone in a social setting such a meal or party, while 58 percent said they do so "usually" or "occasionally." Nearly 85 percent said they used their iPhone in the bathroom.

But the juicy stat is that nearly 15 percent of respondents said they'd rather give up sex than go for even a weekend without their iPhone. And nearly 4 percent of reported having used their iPhone during sex. Keep that up and you won't have to choose between sex and the iPhone for long.

So 15% of iPhone users would rather give up sex than their phone. You know what those people are called? Chronic masturbaters. You folks in the audience, by a show of hands how many of you would rather forgo sex than your phone? *hands raise* Now, what do you see? "A lot of big forearms." And? "Hairy palms." I rest my case.

Thanks to neolardo, who's willing to give up anything except pizza because he's a shadow-member of the ninja turtles. Me? I'd give up anything just to be able to get a boner again.

There are Comments

  • Disturbing. Actually, all of those statistics are disturbing.

  • I'm sure that 15% are the iPhone users who aren't actively bumpin uglies anyway...so it's kind of an irrelevant point to make.

  • James Horton

    Where can i find these people. I'll give them my iphone FOR sex.... It's a piece of shit

  • n_a_a_s

    welll, they're iPhone users - sort of gives the whole thing away when you're already a hopeless iDouchebag

  • Upstate Steve

    interesting point. And spoken like a true droid fan, where the stats show that only 15% of your kind actually engage in sexual activity with another individual.
    ah, just kidding
    no I'm not

  • GigiAUT

    That's bullshit. Plus, iOS and Mac users are douchebags anyways. So this is plausible.

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