Dude -- It's Not That Easy: Smooth Criminal Gets Arm Stuck In Coke Machine Trying To Steal Free Soda

June 26, 2012


Seen here at crotch level with rescue workers, a 17-year old highschooler from National City, California got his arm stuck in a Coke machine trying to steal a drink. It took over an hour for rescue workers to free the boy, presumably because they didn't just chop his arm off like I would have.

After a failed attempt to get the keys for the soda machine, authorities determined they had to take the rescue up a notch and began using axes to chop at the sides of the vending machine.

When that method failed, rescuers tried using crowbars - also to no avail.

Authorities then requested a fire engine with saws and hydraulic tools. They used a rotary saw and air chisel to dismantle the vending machine and eventually, the teen was extricated from the tight opening.

The teen was then taken into custody by police who said he may face charges for petty theft. Authorities said the teen might also have to foot the bill for fire and medical services, as well as damages to the soda machine.

You shoulda done the Dew, homie! Or, I dunno, asked your parents for an advance on your allowance. You do know soda machines aren't like snack vending machines, right? You can't just run a bent coathanger up there and stab a bag of Doritos. If everybody with little twiggy arms could just jam their hand up the chute and get free drinks don't you think I'd have my little sister and a carload of her friends on our way to the bowling alley right now? "But you do." MY MOM'S MAKING ME TAKE THEM TO THE MALL.

Hit the jump for a video news report, which ends with the reporters discussing their vending-machine shaking techniques.

Thanks to trish, who knows a guy who trained his pet rat to climb in vending machines and steal candy bars but the thing always goes straight for the Cheez-Its then gorges itself till it can't fit out the chute anymore.

  • Azariel_z

    Bicycle repair man, where are you at a time like this...

  • duckliondog

    This would have been a lot funnier if it had been a Pepsi machine.


  • Psychospyder

    Repairman 1#: Homer, there's no easy way to tell you this: I'm afraid I'm gonna have to saw your arms off.
    Homer: They'll grow back, right?
    Repairman 1#: Oh... yeah.
    [He cranks up the rotary saw and moves it toward Homer's arm... ]
    Repairman 2#: Wait a minute. Homer, are you just holding on to the can?
    Homer: Your point being...?

  • BobbyRooney

    maybe he should have let go of the can, that way he could have pulled his arm out. DOH!

  • Jordan Pez

    While we were rescuing your son, a lumber yard burned down.

  • $18922249

    Mmmmm... Invisible cooolaa...

  • Guest

    Was he really stuck or he just didn't want to let go of the soda pop? haha XD

  • Mighty Molecule

    the pissed off, disgruntled coca cola employee who always manages to give me the stink eye while i impatiently await for my coke zero fix never seems to require the jaws of life when he uses the unit's key to open the frame in 5 seconds to hand me one....

  • Little douche.

blog comments powered by Disqus
Previous Post
Next Post