Damn Mother Nature, You Crazier Than Those People Who Have Sex With Their Cars: Monkey-Face Orchids

June 12, 2012


This is a small gallery of Monkey Orchids (Dracula simia, vampire monkey -- like those creepy f***ers from The Wizard of Oz). They're found in the highest rainforests of Ecuador and Peru and uncannily resemble little monkey faces. Why? Presumably (and this is just a personal hypothesis) to attract monkeys for pollination, who rub those nasty, bright-red asses of theirs on the flowers thinking they're insulting a rival. "Wow GW, where do you even come up with this stuff?" It's evolution, bro -- the exact same instinct that drives me to draw pictures of my enemies on toilet paper. *wiping* Haha -- when I'm through with you, you're gonna be nothing but dingleberries!

Hit the jump for several examples of the freaky-deaky.





Thanks to PYY, who promised me a greenhouse to grow orchids in even though she knows good and well I'm just gonna grow weed in it.

  • If plants don't have eyes, how do they even know what a monkey face looks like?

  • Listen guys, if I'd anticipated being talked down to over a whimsical comment I'd have kept it to myself.  

    With that said, let me confirm that i understand and accept the concept of iterative adaption based on changes that prove successful to procreation and don't actually think for a moment that plants need eyes to achieve the appearance shown in the photos.  

    I'm not here to fight with anyone, and apologise for my sharp replies  =)

  • Mike Stewart

    Monkey orchids (Orchis simia) do not look like this :D

  • Crucial

    Uh, thats not how evolution works.

  • Duh really? It was a throw away comment, for fun... Y'know? I'd love to hear the mess you get into trying to explain properly, Darwin.

  • Keep your panties on mr. serious.

    As for the mess.. Flowers looking more like monkeys survived better.
    Yup, that was difficult.

  • 3/10 must try harder!

  • Crucial

    "Happy Anniversary honey!" -"Aww, you remembered! Are these roses?" "No my love, these are monkeys magically transformed into flowers. If you look closely, you might still be able to get hit in the face with faeces."

  • Simulacra.

  • Imagine a video of someone stomping on a patch of these flowers with Mozart's Requiem playing.

  • BillGatesIsYourDaddy

    Damn monkey peed on me once. I would pee all over those things screaming "payback's a bitch!"

    I tried to do this at the zoo with the real monkeys but I got kicked out.

  • Adorable!! :3

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