This. Changes. Everything: Spray Bottle Sriracha Sauce
God, it's so simple! Why didn't I come up with it? "You drink too much." No -- maybe I don't drink enough. I bet if I'd upped my game by two beers I would've invented it cooking mac & cheese all sloppy drunk one night. But noooooooo, instead all I've got is this stupid noodle splitter I developed to make my Ramen go twice as far. "That's not bad." *breaking over head* IT'S STUPID AND I KNOW IT. Anyway -- Sriracha: you can put it on anything. Including -- INCLUDING -- your nipples and pretend they're little prehistoric volcanoes. Run! Run little dinos -- take refuge in the forest to the south!
Thanks to Kensie, who's convinced there's only one thing Sriracha isn't good on: your eyeballs. Don't knock it till you try it!