That Sounds Like A Terrible Time (Alt: Give Me Back My Money!): Weed Developed That Won't Get You High
Because scientists are always doing things they shouldn't, a group of (presumably D.A.R.E. sponsored) researchers in Israel have developed a strain of weed that won't get you high. You know, because what else are you gonna smoke alongside your non-alcoholic beer? I say try crack!
The work was done by the company Tikkun Olam with Tzahi Klein leading the effort. Klein and his team were apparently able to neutralize the effects of tetrahydrocannabinol, or THC, which is primarily responsible for the getting you high part of marijuana. Instead, the plants have increased levels of cannabidiol, which has been shown to have several valuable properties. In addition to being a sedative, cannabidiol has also been shown to work as an antipsychotic, an inhibitor of cancer growth, among others.
Despite having a variant of the plant that seems to promote all the medically valuable aspects of cannabis without the fun stuff, the new species is unlikely to change the plant's legal status.
Geez, I could have sworn they already had a strain of weed that didn't get you high. What was that called again? "Schwag?" Hell no -- they spray schwag with all kinds of chemicals to get you crunk. I'm talking about the male plants. "Yeah but males don't have all the medical benefits of the females either." YOU -- you are a joke ruiner. You probably sit in movies repeating "That would never happen" the whole time. *dropping mic* I'M F***ING OUT. *picking mic back up* Hey and don't forget to tip your bartender -- I may have hit his car on the way in here.
Thanks to Jeremy C., who agrees marijuana is one of the very few medically prescribed drugs with POSITIVE side effects. No anal bleeding here!