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Dead-On Annihilator Zombie Apocalypse Survival Tool

March 7, 2012 / beating thing with things, cut off the head, dangerous, different strokes for different folks, getting medieval on asses or whatever, i sleep with one of these under my pillow (jk jk -- buttplug), sure why not, tools, weapons, you...are going to hit yourself in the leg with that thing swinging it around like a f***ing spaz, zombie apocalypse

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This is the $40 Dead-On Annihilator Superhammer, a zombie apocalypse survival tool that looks like a cross between a hammer, crowbar and robot dildo railroad spike. But oh no -- IT'S SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT. Kidding, just a little bit more.

It makes a wicked anti-zombie device.


The spike mounted at the bottom can pierce the skull of a walker like a spork through pudding. The claw is just the right size to lodge in a fetid rotting eye-socket, and the sharpened edge behind the handle is just sharp enough to remove a virulent biting head from a shambling corpse.

Built-in:
Dead-On bottle-opener
Multi-purpose wrench
Nail puller
Demolition axe rips through dry wall, shingles, strips conduit, beheads zombies *
Chisel smashes through tile, brick, concrete, skulls *
Precise balance means you won't get tired wielding it

Meh, I can think of a bunch of other things I'd rather be wielding when faced with the undead, but I guess it's not the worst option. That said, I just ordered ten of them. To give away as presents to friends. The cards are gonna read, "You're on your f***ing own, dickbag!"

Hit the jump for a couple more product shots and a link to the ThinkGeek product page.

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zombie-tool-3.jpg

ThinkGeek Product Page
via
Dead-On Annihilator Superhammer Rebuilds Society, Kills Zombies Dead [technabob]

Thanks to snowman and Jake, who agree you only need one tool to survive the zombie apocalypse: a functional spaceship.

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There are Comments

  • Hmmm...after reading what everybody said before me, i believe test are in order. To the laboratory!

  • On a more practical note, can you get a belt (preferably an upper thigh) holster for this thing? If so where can I buy one online that ships outside the US?

  • But has it been thoroughly tested?

  • what a piece of junk. fancy tools, don't fix stupid.

  • Crovel has all of that, and is a mother fuckin' chair...

  • the chinese military shovel still beat that tho...

  • It's garbage.
    I have had one for a couple of years.
    Looks neat, but the rubber handle slips off(dangerous), and it transmits shock and impact to yr wrist excessively.
    Great idea with the marketing campaign though...
    They were selling poorly to contractors because of poor peer reviews.
    As far as a novelty apocalyptic survival tool? Bueno.
    Let the suckers give em $$.
    Dead-on is a great company, this is just their worst product.
    In a survival situation, you'd be better off with a full steel tang 24oz framing hammer.

  • SirPhobos

    I disagree, I've had one for almost 2 years and use it roughly 2/3 times per week at work doing a variety of maintenance tasks and aside from some wear and tear it's held up really well. I've never had any issues with the handle and the only thing I'd change about it is the claw is a bit too short and isn't as helpful as a simple pry bar certain cases.
     

  • Muahahahaha, i got that tool last year. As soon as i saw it at the store i had to have it!

  • Apply directly to the forehead...

  • These come in a bunch of sizes and have been at my local Lowes and Home Depot for almost 2 years...

  • Asperflux

    Long last the Robots!

    Zombies don't scare us.

  • Other uses:
    > Nutcracker
    > Persuasion Tool
    > Sling Shot - just add a rubber band.

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