You ever tried to steal somebody's briefcase before? It's not that hard if you have one that looks identical. If you don't have one that looks identical, things get trickier. You may need to fill a gym-sock full of pennies and brain them from behind. Enter the Super Safe Suitcase (wow) from Kimpok. Because what good is a briefcase that can't be used as some sort of zany Joker gag?
The anti-loss system activates and 85dB alarm when you, with the included remote control in your pocket, move further than 15 meters from it.
The anti-theft system--once armed--activates the audible alarm as well as a 30,000-volt pulse shock over the case's entire exterior if moved. The shock is produced from an on-board stack of six C-batteries. The alarm/electrocution can also manually activated from the remote
Ten-to-one says anybody who buys one winds up shocking themselves while trying to get the alarm to stop going off like people always do with their cars. No lie -- earlier this week I saw a lady trying to turn her car alarm to shut off for like two minutes straight and it wouldn't stop. Eventually she started YELLING at her car like it could f***ing hear. Come on lady, it's not a motorcycle!
Thanks to Brian A., who once handcuffed a briefcase to himself then lost the key and now he has to shower and sleep with it and everything. OMG -- why don't you just marry it, Brian?!