Because humanity is determined to have an apocalypse this year one way or another, scientists have moved the nuclear doomsday clock forward a minute to 11:55. Quick -- we should probably make out while there's still time! "No way, you smell like booze." Yeah but you're uuuuugly.
"It is five minutes to midnight. Two years ago [when the clock was reversed to 6-minutes to midnight], it appeared that world leaders might address the truly global threats that we face. In many cases, that trend has not continued or been reversed. For that reason, the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists is moving the clock hand one minute closer to midnight, back to its time in 2007."
So yeah, apparently world leaders aren't addressing global threats and that's why they moved it forward. Or -- OR -- was it because the drive-thru girl at Taco Bell got my order wrong and I threatened "to blow this shithole planet up like Alderaan"? I was honking my horn and yelling, people might've heard!
Thanks to sam, Patrick88 and Karen, who don't care when the world ends as long as they get 24 hours notice. Me? Four hours and a stomach full of boner pills.