Vests Are So Not In Right Now: Bulletproof Polos

January 23, 2012


Look out your kitchen window. Your patio furniture is all wrecked to shit, isn't it? I know, that last BBQ of yours got out of hand. Shots were fired. Enter the $3,500 bulletproof polo from Miguel Caballero's Black Label Collection, just the thing you need to protect your neck* while flippin' burgs or refilling the beer cooler. It may look like a regular-ass polo, but oh no -- underneath that 100% cotton exterior comes three different levels of bullet protection. Me? I want the one that can stop a cannonball.

OPTION IIA: 9mm / 40 Smith and Wesson FMJ

OPTION II: 9mm / .357 Magnum / 38 Super / Mini Uzi submachine gun
OPTION IIIA: Uzi machine gun / MP5,MP9 submachine gun / 44 Magnum SJHP / Stab-proof

Haha -- there's even a stab-proof option! Unfortunately, all of them will only stop bullets from the most amateur of assassins. I've played Counter-Strike folks, I only aim for the head. "No you don't." Okay so maybe I flashbanged my whole team and got us all killed.

*Protection actually starts below the neck.

Product Site
Polo Shirt Will Also Stop Bullets [ohgizmo]

Thanks to Jess, who's holding out for a bulletproof dress.

  • RDarker

    Even bullets cannot stop this douche.

  • For the combat (conscious) guy who simultaneously wants to look like a douche.

  • Monochromatyczny Wojownik

    i smell Hoff... Husselhoff !!

  • jaime_arg

    What are they made of, mithril? 
    I think I saw the manufacturer on some TV show once.

  • All dude needs is a leather jacket and its the Hoff from Knight Rider!

  • Obviously directed towards people with no knowledge of bullet protection, what's the supposed diff between protection from 9mm rounds and "mini Uzi submachine gun"?
    It can take multiple hits from 9mm and not give out? Or is it action movie proof?

  • Slurm_Cola

    If I pop the collar will this offer protection to my neck as well, bro?

  • Marcos Ocampo

    no mmz

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