Pull Over, That Ass Too Fat, Woop Woop!: Anti-Theft Butt Cheek Recognition Car Seats
Because ass cheeks are like snowflakes and
melt on your tongue no two are alike, Japanese researchers have developed a biometric car seat that uses 360 sensors to measure your unique ass pressure to verify the driver's identity. No word what happens if you fart during a reading, but my guess is stink pretty bad unless you have the windows down.
Each sensor is measuring pressure by its own and sends the information to a laptop, which aggregates the information to show key data like the highest value of pressure, area of contact on the seat (see below), and other factors. According to its makers, the system was able to identify drivers with 98% accuracy during experiments.
The biometric chairs could see commercialization (hopefully in the form of ejector seats!) in as little as two to three years, which, I dunno, just seems like another thing to break. Great, my biometric ass cheek reader is broken, now I can't even get to work. "I thought you worked from home." Shhhhhhhh!
Thanks to bb, whose car fell in love cause her assprint was so damn fine. Mine? Mine broke down on the highway.