Professors Want To Create New Calendar Where Dates Always Fall On Same Day Of The Week

December 29, 2011


Two professors (astrophysics and applied economics) at John Hopkins University have developed a calendar that allows every date to have a permanently synched day of the week on which it falls. Personally, I'm okay with this. Anything that makes my life simpler, I'm done for. "Beat you in the head with a sock full of quarters until you're a vegetable?" Hmmmm....tell you what: make me a fruit instead and you've got yourself a deal.

Every third month on the new calendar would have 31 days, with the rest of the months having 30, for a total of 364 days. They would drop the quadrennial 366-day leap years entirely in favor of an extra week at the end of December every five or six years.

The pair say their calendar is different from other alternative calendars proposed in the past because it keeps each week at seven days.

"All of the major (other calendars) have involved breaking the seven-day cycle of the week, which is not acceptable to many people because it violates the Fourth Commandment about keeping the Sabbath Day," Henry says. "Our version never breaks that cycle."

Pretty cool, right? Yeah, except when they decide to make my birthday always fall on a f***ing Monday BECAUSE THAT'S JUST MY LUCK. I swear, my life is cursed. No lie -- when I was wiping this morning my finger actually tore through the toilet paper. I touched my own butthole, man.

Professors' proposed calendar synchronizes dates with days [cnn]

Thanks to Evil Ares, who proposed a calendar where you have to sacrifice at least 40 virgins at dusk or the sun will never rise the next day. Get it? Because he's so evil.

  • Jon Peterson

    This would put my birthday on a saturday every year. I am okay with this.

  • Trevor Troake

    it sounds half decent. but even better, why not revert back to the Lunar calendar? there are 13 months, every month with 28 days (still equals 364), would still have all the benefits described above, but even more so. they talk about not wanting to "break up the weeks" but in their calendar the last and first week of some months is still broken up, with 13 twenty-eight day months, every month has exactly 4 full weeks. (plus the full moon would be on the same date every month)

  • Jenna Pool

    And Christmas falls on a Saturday...

  • Jenna Pool

    I'm cool with it as long as my birthday always falls on a Sunday when I don't have to work on it or the day after... (I cook, my weekend is Sunday/Monday)

  • So I love how they must accommodate the calendar to include Sabbath but they do away with Halloween. I guess these professors are like those idiot parents we always hear about that don't let their kids celebrate Halloween because it's "Satan worship." And these professors apparently didn't considered the billions of people born on 31st of every month that will no longer have 31 days and the people born in the extra week they add to December every 5-6 years. Would that mean my birthday would actually be September 1st instead of August 31st? Do the people born in that extra week only get celebrate their birthday every 5-6 years?
    "Timmy, how old are you?"
       "Well I turned 5 in 2010 so in 2015 I'll be 10."
    "So you're 7?"
       "No, I'm 5, and then in 2015 I'll be 10."
    This whole idea is completely preposterous.

  • Guest

    This proves not all professors are geniuses, how will one determine the proper age of a person if their born that freaky extra week in December. Joke's on them if they have a kid during that week.

  • ShellyGI

    That is hardly new. In the 1980-s there was a proposal for month-less calender: a date would look like "Tuesday, 34th week, 2012". A year would have 52 weeks, and the 365th day of the year will be the new year day, which will not be counted as a week-day. On leap years there would be a 2nd new-year's day.

    Of course, all such proposals fail because of religious issues - in all western religions a certain day in the week is holy, so you cannot have days that belong to no week: This would make, for example, Tuesday by the proposed calendar to fall sometimes, for example, on the Christian/Muslim/Jewish Sunday, which religious people would find unacceptable. 

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  • the cats brought me here, where can I get that kittylicious calendar?

  • Ariella Diamond

    Oh hell no, my birthday is not gonna be on a monday every year.

  • Gee, that's pointless. Exactly who does this help?

  • Garrett Spicer

    Its going to put the calendar making companies out of business. Youd have the same calendar for the rest of your life. Actually itll same a lot of trees for the same reason.  

  • Sweet, My birthday would always be on Friday the 13th! And without a proper halloween anymore, I declare it to be the new date for Halloween!

  • Hmm... by the looks of it, every third month has a Friday 13th. So that's 4 a year, compared to only 1 in 2011, 3 in 2012 and 2 in 2013.

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  • *Looks at Cat on September and October*...
    ... Cheezburger Cat?

  • Dy7lan (the seven is silent)

    I feel sorry for anyone born during that extra week.

  • professors with nothing else better to do than make up new calendars...

  • Do it up.. doubt I'd even notice.

  • JimmyThr

    You lost me at Sabbath...sabbath's a religious thing right?

    That's like religious people validating evolution in their minds, by saying, "it was part of god's plan" or some shit like that...please don't tell me that already happened... Google...FUCK!

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