Kraft Foods, best known for the mac & cheese you start making when you get home drunk and then pass out halfway through and wake up to a kitchen fire, is rolling out a vending machine that dispenses free samples BUT ONLY TO ADULTS. Like this Japanese vending machine, it uses facial recognition software to determine if you're over a certain age (18?), and will let you choose a Jell-O flavor if you are. If you're not? It publicly humiliates you. Go suckle your mother's teat, babyface!
The current offer is for Temptations by Jell-O, the brand's first product designed specifically for adults. The machine is equipped with technology to determine the age of the person requesting a sample. If the machine senses a child, a panel lights up with the words, "Sorry, kid. You're too young to experience indulgence like this. Please step away so the adults can get their free treat.
Wow, really? "Please step away so the adults can get their free treat." Way to make unsuspecting children feel like criminals. Besides, whatever happened to the old lady with the hairnet passing out the free samples? She used to even let me have seconds. "She died." YOU TAKE THAT BACK!
Thanks to LeftRightLeft, who looks young but doesn't want a pudding cup with a f***ing Jell-O rose on it anyways. THAT SHIT'S FOR LONELY CAT LADIES.