$200 On Speedy McStemCell!: World's First Cell Race
Inb4 my sperm would've won.
The world's first cellular race was recently held in France, and I think I speak for everyone here when I say nobody cared. I mean, were they even accepting bets? Because I've got an angry bookie who's gonna make my legs bend backwards if I can't come up with $4,000 by Friday. Obviously, I'll be sporting a wheelchair to the office next week.
How did they race the cells? Labs from all over the world heeded the call for frozen cells (the more usual the better, according to the rules) and shipped them to the Institut de Recherche en Technologies et Sciences pour le Vivant (IRTSV), where they were thawed, injected with dye and placed in specialized micro racetracks. Each 400-micron track was coated with a natural substance called fibronectin to give the cells traction to get moving.
A line of bone marrow stem cells from the National University of Singapore walked -- or whatever cells do -- away with the honors traveling at 5.2 microns per minute. That's 0.000204 inches per minute to you and I.
Wait -- bone marrow stem cells won?! I didn't see that coming! Get it? Because it would've taken a microscope and I broke mine looking at pubes I found in the bathtub!
Hit the jump for the Cellmont Stakes or whatever in action.
Thanks to my buddy Brian, who once won $2,000 playing roulette in Vegas but then lost it all playing 'make it rain' at the strip club.