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Prison Inmate Makes Arsenal Of Final Fantasy Weapons Entirely Out Of Matchsticks

November 7, 2011 / busted!, daaaaaaw, final fantasy, hobbies are important in prison, prison, these toothpicks smell like shit, they generally frown on making weapons in prison, toothpicks, weapons, wood is good, wood is good but metal is betal (jk jk), you think the'll give them back when he gets released?

toothpick-ff-weapons.jpg

A man serving a prison sentence in Wales was recently discovered to be in possession of a Final Fantasy weapon arsenal made entirely out of matchsticks. You know, because that's what you do in prison: make things out of matchsticks (plus hide things in you B-U-T-T!).

The Governor of the prison, Steve Cross, told The Sun, "Their realism presented a genuine threat to the safety of staff, visitors and other prisoners". Meanwhile, a "source" told the tabloid, "It must have taken months. The knives were lethal."


Steve Cross and his staff are obviously not big JRPG fans, then, because nobody realised one was a Buster Sword from Final Fantasy VII, or that another--which featured "a fully revolving barrel"--is Squall's gunblade from Final Fantasy VIII.

What do you mean,"the knives were lethal"? What the hell did he use to glue all those matchsticks together, razor blades?! Also, who was slipping him all the matches and what did he have to give them in return? Growing up my dad always told me if I ever go to prison I should try to marry the guy with the most cigarettes. True story.

Prisoner Builds Swords. Final Fantasy Swords. [kotaku]

Thanks to Katrina, which I admittedly read as Kitana at first and was all, "oh shit, girl, from Mortal Kombat?!"

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There are Comments
  • Mark Burman

    LOL, they were on his wall in the cell for months. And he took them through security to show his family when they visited. That wasn't shared in the tabloids.

  • I like how this article said toothpicks originally and when I share it, it still does.

  • doctorpeppor

    I was actually thinking to myself "I'm pretty sure two of those are from Bleach".  But I didn't recognize the one on the far left.  Maybe it's just a regular zanpakuto?  Either way, it dun matter.

    As for the new G-O-GIE, I can get used to it.  It's more crisp than the last one, and it'll definitely slow down the firstards.  At least the ones without macros.

  • Half of those aren't from Final Fantasy. The three on the left are from BLEACH. I THINK that's Renji's Zabimaru in its normal form on the far left but next to that I'm absolutely positive is Zabimaru in its Shikai form. Third from the left is Ichigo's Zangetsu in Shikai form.

    Now that I've expressed my horrible geekness, I shall leave you.

  • Are you fucking kidding? White background? And even worse, fucking DISQUS? Come on.

  • William Trevena

    At least it means all the first-tards get shamed if they forget to use an alias

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