This is the world's largest pumpkin (1,818.5-pounds -- not actually a ton like I said in the title because I'm a dirty liar) carved into a giant zombie scene by pumpkin impaler Ray Villafane. Impressive, right? WRONG. Cinderella's pumpkin carriage was at least four times that size and you could ride in it. "That was just a fairy tale." Was it? Then how do you explain...THIS?! "A buttplug?" No dummy, it's Cinderella's ass slipper. "Please tell me you're joking." I kept it in for a week straight -- Prince Charming's mine!
Hit the jump for a bunch more.
Thanks to Davey, who doesn't carve pumpkins, he carves he and his lover's initials into trees with little hearts around them. Daaaaaaw!