Iffy: Two "Zombie" Skeletons Dug Up In Ireland
Two men's skeletons, originally buried around 700AD, were uncovered that had big-ass rocks jammed in their mouths, a practice that was later reserved for vampires. But, since vampire folklore wasn't prevalent in the area until the 1500's, archaeologists now believe it was a zombie scare. Gee -- great deduction, guys. *MASSIVE F***ING EYEROLL*
One of the men was between 40 and 60 years old, and the other was a young adult, probably between 20 and 30 years old. The two men were laid side by side [although buried at different times] and each had a baseball-sized rock shoved in his mouth.
"In this case, the stones in the mouth might have acted as a barrier to stop revenants from coming back from their graves," Read told Discovery News.
Right, zombies. Listen, 'archaeologists' -- are you familiar with the phrase, "the simplest answer is often best?" These two were chatterboxes. Obviously you've never lived with a roommate that doesn't know when to shut their pie-hole. I actually tried making one eat a gym sock before. He did too. Plus my shoelaces. :/
Thanks to Mike, who wants to be buried with a pie in his mouth. SAME.