Astronomers Discover 'Darkest Planet' To Date
Seen here in an artist's rendition that may or may yes have involved Photoshopping two holes out of a bowling ball, printing that out, and gluing it to a piece of construction paper, the current record holder for the universe's darkest known planet is seen reflecting less than 1% of light that reaches it. OMG -- HOW DOES THAT NOT MAKES IT INVISIBLE?! Because one time I went jogging in black sweats and got hit by a car. Jogging, LOL!
The world in question is a giant the size of Jupiter known as TrES-2b. NASA's Kepler spacecraft detected it lurking around the yellow sun-like star GSC 03549-02811 some 750 light years away in the direction of the constellation Draco [Malfoy is all over the f***ing place this week!].
"It's just ridiculous how dark this planet is, how alien it is compared to anything we have in our solar system," study lead-author David Kipping, an astronomer at the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics, told SPACE.com. "It's darker than the blackest lump of coal, than dark acrylic paint you might paint with. It's bizarre how this huge planet became so absorbent of all the light that hits it."
You wanna know why it's so absorbent? A paper towel exterior. One time I spilled a whole can of cream soda and it only took TWO PIECES OF BOUNTY to soak the whole thing up. So, that's clearly what's going on here. Bounty spraypainted black. You watch.
Thanks to the littlest princess, who promised me a picnic in outerspace. OMG -- we can take my moonicorn!