Bro you should probably get that bump on your lip checked out by a vet.
Desmoteplase, an enzyme found in vampire bat saliva that has evolved to quickly thin a victim's blood so they can suck them dry the quickest, may prove a useful weapon in breaking up the brain-damaging blood clots formed in the brain following a stroke. The only catch? You have to let a bat bite your face. Jk jk -- that would be pretty gnarly though.
DSPA [desmoteplase] was first discovered in 2003, but doctors are only now in the process of developing a drug from it (it's called -- no joke -- Draculin). The first human study of the compound, conducted in 2006 at Ohio State University Medical Center, showed that the medication was safe and well tolerated by recipients. Now a new national study, currently taking place at the same center, will determine whether the drug has any clinical benefit in stroke patients.
Hey, I'm all for it. My only question is this: has anyone ever considered asking Batman for a cure? I mean, can't he talk to his winged brethren through sonar or whatever? "Tell me you're joking -- Batman doesn't even have any superpowers, just a bunch of sick-ass gadgets." Well what about Aquaman? Maybe he could ask the fish, they probably know about strokes. Get it? Because they're swimmers!!!!!!11 *retires*
Thanks to R-Man Batoosey, who insists his saliva can cure non-erect nipples.