Is that a 'life back' guarantee?
That's right folks, ten days to Judgement Day. That's the highest you can count on two hands provided you weren't born with extra digits (I have a half-pinky so I can round-up to eleven!). Apparently some religious zealots have unraveled the mystery of the bible and been able to pinpoint when Judgement Day will occur (May 21st, 2011 -- a scant 10 days!). There's a website dedicated to explaining how the dates were decoded from the ancient tests HERE, but it looked fairly complicated so I figured, if I already know I'm not gonna be here much longer, why spend it reading? SEE YOU ALL IN HELL, @$$HOLES!
eBible Fellowship (with an explanation of why May 21st)
Thanks to Nathan, joey, plugger, Easy-Baked and First to go, who all claim to have bought bootleg tickets to heaven from a crooked preacher. Let me see those! Uh, guys -- did you even look at these things? They're expired grocery store coupons!