I'm Surprised It Took So Long: Bacon Cologne
$36 bacon-scented cologne: because if there's one demographic I'd like to find me more appealing, it's the meat-loving obese. *spray spray* Oh, I can already tell I've piqued the interest of guy sitting next to me -- he's trying his best to nonchalantly lick my arm. Okay, now he's nibbling my ear. Aaaaaaaaaand he just put his hand down my pants. Does that make us boyfriends?
Thanks to Stephen and Graeme S, who have both tried mixing actual bacon grease with Axe body spray but won't admit to it BECAUSE WHO THE F*** WANTS TO ADMIT TO WEARING AXE? "I do". The prosecution rests.